All She Wrote

Welcome to this space where I am hopeful that you can find healing through art. As an avid writer and reader, I hope to share my delight in the written word, here, with you. Each piece is original unless otherwise stated. Share some love. If you find a piece here especially healing, share it with those who might also find it to be inspirational.

"Courage, Love Affair, Unknown"

"Stop screaming!" she ordered Lisa. "We're on the street in front of all these...," she trailed to a halt. The sign at the bus stop drawing her attention. She knew what Lisa was saying was right; they were done. But she also knew that there was a right way for her to say it. She didn't need daggers to know this. It was clear. She needed a hug.

Lisa stood waiting, her mouth, agape. Carri always had some brilliant comeback, and today she was ready, rearing. But Carri said nothing, or rather she said everything, but nothing came out of her mouth. She knew Carri better than she knew herself. Lisa knew Carri wanted a hug. But she just didn't have it in her anymore. So she followed Lisa's eyes to the sign in front of them and screamed, "What the hell are you doing, Lisa? This is not the time for one of your daydreams. I just told you that our relationship is over!"

Everyone on the corner waiting with them for the bus, stopped. Watched. Waited. Like silence on the city street becomes loud, Carri found herself engulfed. "Courage- Love Affair- Unknown," she read the advertisement in parts. She did not know what was next for them, but she knew it would require courage. It would require a pulling apart and a falling together into a love affair with the unknown.

Carri opened her mouth to speak, but one shrill scream emerged instead, bringing up her courage, which brought her, then, to her knees. "Courage is a love affair with the unknown," she put together. She would hold that within her and use it when she got up from the ground.

"Her Playground"

She noises to go out

Onto the balcony each rising

To watch the bugs

To come alive

And maybe even chase a few

While birds and clouds fly by

She sits, waits, pounces, jumps

Plays on the equipment

When ready—

All day—

This goes on

Till she falls asleep

In the sun

Basks and bakes

Minimizes her breathing

And surrenders to the play

Ground beneath her

Under chairs she creeps

Where the sun is shaded

But the heat is still

And full

Stretched out she rests

Without sweat

Without care

This, too, is a part

Of the playtime

I wish for a time

That I could find such calm

When life gets hot—

I try—

But eventually, I have

To go inside

To escape

This is not my jungle gym.

She watches me leave

She stays

Only to reemerge

To peel herself off the wood-top floor

With a meow

To blow life back into her body

To make it to her bowl

To eat

And when done

To noise herself back out

Into the heat

To play

"Oh, May"

The stuff that was once inside

My heart is now outside

In the grass and on the sidewalk

Steaming up

A June drink

Of heat

Of Summer to come

I understand

What May is trying to say now

She has already said it

Though nothing came out

Of her mouth

No words did-

But April showers spoke,

And her heated actions followed

She can not stay

The nights and days of love

And hate making

With her

On the bed

On that desk

With that lamp

Off

Never to be this May again

But a new season nears

My tears that do not fall

But flower inside

And bloom

As I grasp the fitted mattress sheet

Wrapping in the breeze

Smell the sent of her in the air

Almost gone, but enough

To take me back to the 1st night,

The 3rd, the 31st

When we stood face to face

Close as if to kiss-

This time to whisper

Me saying: I love you

May saying…

Nothing.

Silence.

To then touchless sleep

To follow

It was then that I knew

May could only last for the moment

Her work always to come

And leave my things different

On the lawn at the end

My heart vacant in preparation

And still I tried not to see

The final look of her

As she passed by

I tried not to see her

May Madness

Those days and nights before

I touched the last of the things

Gathered from her beingness

I run my hand over

What was

Once more

Feel my heart

Eat dirt

Look at the door now

Shut tight

Wave goodbye

This year

Again

My stuff to the trash heap,

Full

"Iceolation"

There is ice around the boat

Jagged

Sharp

Like our lack of words

Have been

We have been floating

Uneasily for days

Cold with anger

Seething

Seeking

Warmth and land

And love inside

It’s been hard since the loss

We’ve not known where to go

Or what to do

But the boat seemed like the best place

To get away to look to find what’s been

Its name the same as his

Once nicely painted

Now scraped and battered

On the side of the boat

We are alone with our thoughts

Each other and the icy water

We don’t talk about

Though we can feel

The other begin and stop

Attempting to cut the silence

Without success

We used to dream

We’d all travel

To new places

Anywhere

Our love

And water and sunny skies

Could carry us

But that was then—

Before the accident

Before we lost our voices

Our hearts

Our will to do anything

But attempt to bring Lazarus

Back from the dead

Unfill the grave

Up and down on the rough icy waves

We float

The grey sky tempting rain

Clouds hanging full of sadness

Our sadness

And hope

For freedom

From the cold damp pain

Unsure what to pray

Unsure when it will break

We find ourselves

Praying

Praying that the rain will fall

And hide the veracity of our tears

"Phases of the Moon"

Staring into the face of the Moon
He saw himself
It was waxing
Probably at its peak
He did not know-
But the fullness of it
And the light reflecting
Helped him more clearly
See his joys from the last year

And his supposed failures
They’d all worked out
Added to him
Made him grow
Through the craters
And cracks where the light
Was able to shine in
And out-
What was it, he thought
He’d heard before about
The broken parts being
Possibilities for more joy?
He could not recall
But he knew it was true
He could see it
As he sat looking at
Its smile and full grill
He knew he was in the right place
There was no doubt
No matter,
What phase would brooch him

Now,
He was ready to see more-
Life was like that:
Making itself known
Through its cycles
He loved that, to be sure.

"Outside the Sandwich Shop Again"

I have been here before
No, not the sandwich shop
But sandwiched in between
My love for you and your confusion
The hold of your hand
And the push of your heart
Your want and push away
And the Merry Go Round
of it all is dizzying-
I look around for somewhere to rest my hand to plant my feet to slow the turn to make it stop-
But you keep on
And I know I can only do one thing in this moment:
I drop to my knees
I hear the crack of them and the sidewalk
Your hand drops out of mine
And both of my hands
Pound the pave-
Ment for God’s ears
The “Har” of their wish for more
For the ride to stop
You look down at me
You don’t reach for me or ask of my care
And right now,
That’s fine!

One Ugly Piece in the Gallery

The gallery is full of all

Shapes

Sizes

Colors

But I am drawn to one

piece

It sits high on the wall

Above the artist’s head

Ugly

As he talks

The splotches appear to speak louder

The oranges caress my retina

Hopping and humping

The blues

My grief

My longing, black and gray

I have no idea how I will afford

The piece

But I must—

This is the first time

I have felt

Anything

For anything

In years

I reach into my pocket

Find lint tidings

My phone

My eyes glue to the painting

As it appears to make new shapes

Of my subconsciousness

A vase, lovers kissing

A dog, who appears to be howling

The artist taps my hand

Huh? I say.

He has been talking to me

I have heard nothing

But the sound of the painting

And my own heartbeat

Finally, again.

Contact

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c.rohan.yoga@gmail.com