"Striving after truth is a distraction and a postponement." -Osho
I have always been a seeker, so I was grateful to be brought up in a house where there was a Bible in the bathroom. Sometimes when I would get upset, I would go into the bathroom and pick up the Bible, open to any page and read it. I had no idea what I was reading most of the time, but it gave me comfort.
It took me a while to realize that when I was feeling badly, it wasn't always my feelings that I was feeling. I did not know that I would be picking up on other people's feelings. I spent a lot of time throughout the years trying to figure out what was mine and what was someone else's stuff.
Dreaming used to be a scary time for me even. I would wake and run to my parent's room with nightmares because not only was I feeling people's feelings during the day, I was also feeling entities during the night. I was not able to truly make sense of this for myself until more recently when I started to consider how to share my dream processes in my Dream Sessions course. Pretty much I just went along with what was happening because I did not know that I had control of these experiences.
Sometimes we can get so caught up in giving, that we do not realize the choices that we have with regard to it. Many have been taught that this is the only way to be pious, to be accepted, or loved. So it has been for me, not just with people but with energy, my visions, and my dreams as well. I felt that I had to do or be a place for people or spirits to land or download or take from in order to be valuable. Such is the way of a culture that presses us to give to a job without regard for our real work: that which is inside and so desperately needs our attention and care.
I spent much of my life trying to prove to myself and others that I was worthy, that I was valuable. I could see other's value, but I so desperately wanted others to see mine. What I was bringing to the table was just as valuable, I would tell myself. But no matter what I gave, I just couldn't get them to see it, so I became an overgiver, an overachiver, a people pleaser, justifying this behavior to be for the good of all, but at my expense. How could "for all" be without consideration for myself?
It is not until I stopped reaching that I realized who reached for me. It was not until I stopped giving that I realized who gave to me, or who even wanted what I was offering. What was supposed to be love became a burden of cat seeking mouse. We do not need to seek others for our love. It is already here.
The Spirit is without a doubt the only consistent place to rest and find love. And with the Spirit, I am told that I must still be a giver to receive. "Faith without works is dead" (James 2:20). Do you agree?
What is free will if I must work? Where is my faith if tied only into what I do?
During my recent Clarity Breathwork training, I have been breathing into these feelings that I have held about what I thought I must do. I have been touching places within myself that I have shut down for years, neglected, as I strived for what I thought was the truth, convoluted by distractions, and thus postponed. Now it was time for me to let go of what I thought others should do or what I should do, to let go of the burden of "shoulds," so I could breathe more fully.
"Striving after truth is a distraction and a postponement," Osho shared. All this time all I had to do was allow myself more depth of breath, not a striving, but an allowing that opened me to these spaces, to more transparency and truth A work that considered me first and validated me too was as easy as taking deeper breaths. That was my work; the most precious work of all was to breathe more fully into my beingness.
So, I did. I accepted the work, and it wasn't without resistance. Breathing deeply, one breath after the other without a pause for over an hour can become like labor. After the first couple breaths, I could hear myself asking: "Why am I doing this?"
Having set an intention before beginning, having moved my body, having prayed and chanted, I was unmovable. I kept breathing. Images, spirit guides, and ancestors, known and unknown, emerged from the dark, sharing purpose and comfort, offering me gifts: a gold feather, shark tooth, white rose petal vest, and boar head, and lifting me up as a sunflower to the Sun. I was seen, held, honored as I opened myself deeply with the breath.
Is it really that easy?
I know there are things that we must do to survive in this world. However, when it comes to Spirit and your ability to access the truth, it really is as easy as a breath, a full breath, not just breathing in but filling up, taking up space and then letting go. Yes, it can be as easy as an inhale and exhale!
Taking up space reminds your body-mind and spirit that you are worthy of being. You are supposed to be here at this time. There is more than enough for you. No one has to give it to you, no one but your Source can take it away. Just breathe it in and receive.
During a Kundalini immersion this past June, I heard the teacher tell us to take up space during shavasana, our final rest after practice. This felt like a tough call. The room was full. Our mats were side to side with only a sliver in between them. People's things and feet spread out, I felt trapped. And yet, when I took a little bit more space, I realized there was even more for me to take. I realized that what I thought was a barrier to my need being met wasn't even there.
I had shut down my ability to receive because I was not giving myself my fullest breath. Our prana, or life force, rides on the waves of the breath. And our prana goes where our attention goes. If my attention is always on giving, my exhales may be long and deep, but my inhales will suffer. My prana receives the message that my out breath is more important because I already have enough. This same principle is true within our relationship to everything and everyone.
Taking deeper inhales has reminded my body-mind and spirit that I am ready for more, and I am ready to receive. Being cautious of my complete exhales has reminded my body that there is room for me to give. For some time now, I have been able to connect with those who have transitioned. Sometimes, this felt uncomfortable because I did not realize my power in giving or because I did not trust what was being made available to me, or recognize that I decide how this will work for me.
Channeling a daily message from Spirit began as I opened to more time in meditation and saw the value in the vision I was being offered. During my breathwork training, I have seen as a result of the Spirit Animal Messages and my taking my power back to say who or what I allow into the space that I am taking up or what I offer as a part of my being, that I am able to do more in the spirit realms, in my dreams, and with a deeper level of awareness.
Now you can join me for a look at the Spirit Animal Message each day as a part of a new group in the Portal. You can even get the FitbyWix app and access the messages easily though the app, daily. No matter how you get there, you will have:
the symbolism of the animal of the day,
a channeled message from Spirit,
how the animal relates to your life,
easy practical embodiment practices to help you incorporate each message into your day one deep breath at a time
and, the ability to leave me questions/ comments about the message for each day
You do not have to be an empath, have visions or channel, but maybe you can consider what you are bringing in and out, and how. We can consider what we are doing with our gifts, and be discerning with them if we pay attention without assuming that we know what is best all the time. This way we stay in our beginner's mind in order to spread the wealth around to all, including ourselves. Let's do this by considering the breath. How are your breathing? Share your answer in the poll. No one will know it is you :) but you.
How are you managing the gift of the breath, and thus the gift of your life in a way that allows more love to flow to and through you? How are you accessing deeper levels of your faith using the breath?
I have decided that I will be led by the breath to support myself and those who I can. And when my giving impacts my ability to breathe, fully and completely, I will reassess. I will refocus on my inhales and exhales and allow the truth in, rather than striving after it. In fact, the only thing we have to do, really have to do, is breathe in order to live. And I would suggest that we breathe well. So much of what we are (and have) depends on it.
Inhaling and Exhaling with you,
X Courtney Hawk Angel